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So, as you may have noticed, I’m blogging for the 50 days leading up to getting married. I’m calling it 50 Days of Singleness.

Howie mentioned to me that I’m not actually single. Which is true, I’m not. I’m just not married, so if we were to measure relationships in binary form, I’m single.

I had thought about calling it “The Last 50 days of a Virgin” or something like that, but I don’t want to declare to the entire internet that I’m a virgin. That’d be 100% embarrassing.

It’s a bit odd that we call unmarried life singleness, it’s not like I’m out cruising for ladies till I get married. I could try that, but it wouldn’t end well for anyone, especially for me when I lost my fiancé and discovered I have no skills in picking-up women whatsoever. I guess that “singleness” just means that I’m not locked in for life just yet. I could still get out of this without the legal complications. However, there would be plenty of complications, we now own couches together. A 3.5 seater, a 2.5 seater and an ottoman. I can imagine even if we broke up now we’d get into a pretty messy court battle over those couches. We’d both want the 3.5 seater, one of us would have to settle for the 2.5 seater and neither of us would want the ottoman. At least you can split up a set of couches, unlike children. It’s not like if you have multiple kids you can just fight for custody of the good looking ones.

However there are some things which I am free to do now in my single state which I cannot do when I get married. Like fart in bed and congratulate myself when it’s particularly good. While I know that once I get a wife sharing my bed I’ll still be able to fart, I’m pretty sure that any good fart in bed won’t come without a price. Probably the level of enjoyment I get from any particular bed-based flatulence will have a corresponding level of disapproval and/or punishment from my life-partner. With each fart I’ll have to do a cost/benefit analysis, and sometimes I may just have to choose to let it go quietly with only a small, internal celebration of my external brilliance.

So perhaps I should have called this blog series 50 Days of Fart Freedom. However I wanted this series to have a sense of gravitas, which now that I’ve started, I’m well on my way to achieving it.

Photo by Haldane Martin

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